Nada, nothing, rien............ (shit happens xD)

Ok so nothing, again midnight, no sleepy, very confused in my mind, and no one to talk with so trying to relax by writing. I don't think these lines are for someone to read, but if someone does, I warn you that I'm just wandering in my mind and writing down, so it might be a nonsense post.

Trying not to think, as if I could, well actually I can't what I can is to think about something else, that's the why of this post and is also the reason for it to be in English. A few moments ago I was just talking to someone, someone I have never seen or meet, someone that's very very far away, someone that I've been talking with for some time now. This person is really nice, this person is a lot like me, and although this person has some thoughts about life that I do not share I like very much this person. Right now I think I'm just idealizing that person.

Idealizing, interesting feeling, feeling as if someone was perfect, trying to see only the good things in that person, actually not just "trying" it is more like forcing yourself to see that person perfect. Even though you know in your head that's not possible, but in this moment when you are doing it you do not realize that. I see this person and looks so sad and disappointed of life, and as I wrote before this person is a lot like me, then I start thinking "what if this person's right? what if the way this person sees life is how everyone should end up seeing life?" actually while talking I began to tell this person that life's good, that this person should be changing the way of seeing life, and at last I got myself pleased with the way I see life.

But, stupid but, "there's always a catch" ¬¬, but I keep telling myself that life could be and should be perfect, I think I'm just trying to be enthusiastic cause idealizing might be good sometimes, but! there's always a but!! but how about the moments when you just are not happy at all?? you're sad or angry or worried or upset for whatever reason you can imagine. Those are moments that no one should have, but (ohh my! another but ¬¬) if our life would be perfect, do we really would appreciate the good moments? I would say yes, but as always I'm a fool idealist so the good answer is "no, that is what we are, humans and we are not perfect, that's the way we are and that's the way we will be" and that answer should do for everything.

Unhappiness, happiness, happiness, unhappiness, I guess I need to accept that there are moments when one can't be happy, just "because." and in those moments no matter what anyone tells you, you wont change your mind, well almost never, at least that's my case, maybe someone that handles very well his/her emotions can do.

Someone once said that I wanted to fix the whole world, well at some point she's right, actually she also tries to do it. But there are moments when I wonder why is that we just cant figure out how to live fine, why do we hurt ourselves so much, why don't we just be happy?, I think now I am just being redundant.

The good thing of all this, and the thing that gives me hope, is that when one's happy, the whole world can tell you that life sucks and you just don't care, you're happy and life's good to you, and you try to transfer (:o ok thnks) that to everyone that is nearby.

I don't want to go back to reality, I just want to keep writing, thinking, doing other things, feeling well, but I guess that's part of life, confronting it u_u